Butterflies of Light
by Katsu
Summary: Was it a dream? A memory? Or maybe a hope...step into the nightmare and find out.


**Butterflies of Light**  
by Katsu

_Gundam Wing and Gundam Wing: Endless Waltz are copyright Sotsu Agency, Sunrise and TV Asahi. They don't belong to me by any stretch of the imagination, and never will. _

This is an experiment. Good luck.. 

+ + + +

Thales said there was no difference between life and death.  
"Why, then," said some one to him, "do not you die?"  
"Because," said he, "it /does/ make no difference."  
(Diogenes Laertius. Circa 200 A.D. [From "The Lives and Opinions of Eminent Philsophers." Translated by C. D. Vonge, B. A., with occasional corrections.] Thales. ix.) 

* * *

[Excerpt from The Sanc Kingdom Post, 31 October AC 204] 

**LAGRANGE POINT 2 COLONY CHAIN DESTROYED**

**Berlin, Earth-**  
At one minute after midnight, the entire colony chain orbiting at LaGrange point two was destroyed. All communication channels to the installations and colonies on L2 were lost at approximately the same time, according to commercial and United Earth Space Forces officials. 

"I just got back from break when every alarm in the place started going ape---t," said UESF technician George Kassler, the night shift in-charge of the Berlin communications station. "Every red light on the board was up. I went outside to do a visual inspection on the transmitter, and it was gone. The colony chain, I mean." 

Observation footage, taken by the University of Hawaii, reveals that the colony chain was obscured by a sphere of light shortly before its destruction. "We've never seen anything like it," said Professor Gregory Lei. "There's no evidence of a meteor strike or attack from the video, which is high-res enough to show anything." 

"What I see on the tapes isn't even what I'd call an explosion," added, Lei. "We're baffled." 

According to the UESF media liaison, an extensive search has been conducted in the area where the L2 chain was. Two survivors have been found, but their names are being withheld by UESF pending further investigation. 

* * *

[Subject: Schbeiker, Hilde J  
Resident Doctor: Taos, Loren D, M. D.  
Time Stamp: 15:31:18 11 August AC 235]  


"He used to collect leaves, every time he came out to see me. It was only once a year, you see, and he always came in the fall...never did really give me a straight answer why. I guess that it was because of the trees or something. You've never been to any of the L2 colonies, right? [laughs] What am I thinking, of course you haven't. You're too young to remember them. 

"There was something about the gravity or the type of air system we had...I don't know...but all the maple trees on the colonies would have crimson leaves in the fall. I've never seen a red like that any other place...it was red like...blood...or roses. 

"So every time he came out, we'd always take these walks to the pedestrian malls or just down to the park, and he'd keep looking at all the leaves. There was this one time he actually tripped over a little dog...I think it was a Pomeranian, but I could be wrong...but he goes head over heels because he was looking at the leaves instead of where he was going and stepped on the damn dog. [laughs] 

[pause] 

"He never really told me why, and I always asked him, because it drove me nuts. He was bringing those leaves into my house, and sometimes they'd crumble and make a mess on the floor. 

"That last year was when he finally did something other than just laugh when I asked him what the hell he was doing. He gave me this cross-eyed, solemn look, like he always does...did...when he was going to belt out an impression of Relena and said 'Hilde, this is my revenge for all the times you drove me crazy. Turnabout is fair play.' 

"I punched him in the arm, just playing, you know? Then he got all serious...he said, 'When I look at them, I can remember everything out of my year. They're pretty...they're everything a tree has in the summer, and then, when things get cold, they just drop, and they're even more beautiful then.' 

[pause] 

"I want to hate the autumn, and maple trees, and red leaves...they were all his. They scare me." 

* * *

[Subject: Yuy, Heero  
Resident Doctor: Wegman, Nina, M. D.  
Time Stamp: 13:20:00 12 August AC 235] 

"I drew a picture today, would you like to see? 

[paper rustling] 

"Nurse Robin said that my test results came back good, so I could go out to the sun room with everyone else today. They had crayons and markers...it's been a long time since I've gotten to do anything like this." 

Doctor Wegman: "It's very nice, Heero, I can tell you put a lot of work into it." 

"I did. Someone stole the green marker, but I was able to draw what I wished without it." 

Doctor Wegman: "Why don't you tell me about this drawing? The young man in it looks very interesting." 

[more paper rustling] 

"He has purple eyes... 

[pause] 

"And... 

[pause] 

"I drew this?" 

Doctor Wegman: "Yes you did, Heero. You were just showing it to me." 

"Oh... 

[pause] 

"He's wearing a cross because he doesn't believe in God. 

[pause] 

"He doesn't believe in God, but he wants to." 

Doctor Wegman: "Why doesn't he believe in God?" 

"He's got wings, too, see? He can fly. Higher than high, across the sky... 

[pause] 

"Why are you showing me this picture? 

[paper rustling, sound of chair scraping across floor] 

"I don't want to see this! No! It looks like him!" 

* * *

[Letter from Quatre Raberba Winner to Triton Bloom, 8 December AC 202] 

I wish you were here. It sounds stupid and infantile, but I need a hug. Oh, sweet God, I need to be held so badly... 

I went to the sanitarium to see Duo today. Neither Heero nor Hilde have had any success in their attempts to see him since the L3 colonial government committed him over three months ago. I thought that I would have a better chance, though...money has a tendency to do that. It took a lot of palm greasing, but I eventually did make it through the gates with the promise that I could spend twenty minutes alone with him. 

Allah protect him...I've never seen anything like that, not even when I was undergoing my conditioning to prepare myself for piloting Sandrock. 

I want to kill the judge that put him in there. I don't know who paid him, and how much, but I'll find them and kill them too. 

We have to get him out of there, Tri. If we don't, we'll lose him forever. 

* * *

**First Law of Thermodynamics**: In chemical or mechanical processes, energy cannot be created or destroyed, only transformed from one type to another. 

* * *

[Subject: Schbeiker, Hilde J  
Resident Doctor: Taos, Loren D, M. D.  
Time Stamp: 15:00:23 13 August AC 235] 

"Thine was the prophet's vision, thine  
The exaltation, the divine  
Insanity of noble minds... 

[pause] 

"That's Henry Wadsworth Longfellow...you gotta love him, he had a way with words. When we were doing lit in school, he was my favorite out of all of the poets. I read everything he ever wrote at least twice, and I did my term paper on him. I got an 'A' on it too. Best paper I ever wrote. 

"..the divine insanity of noble minds... 

"Are you ever going to let me out of here, Doctor? [laughs] Don't lie to me, ok? I've been here for twenty-five years, probably almost as long as you've been alive." 

Doctor Taos: "If you think you already know the answer, Hilde, why did you ask?" 

"Because...because...maybe this time you'll say yes and you won't be lying. I have to get out of here, don't you see? I saw what happened to Duo. What if some day, I just lose it, and turn into him, huh? What then? Wouldn't being just a little crazy be better than being all the way crazy?" 

Doctor Taos: "Crazy isn't a good word to use, Hilde." 

"You know what? You're full of shit, ok? I know I'm fucking bug-house just like Heero is and Duo was. Maybe not as bad as them, but I wouldn't be here if I wasn't. I just don't want to snap, ok? Let me out of here while I can still remember my name, for God's sake..." 

Doctor Taos: "It all comes back to this "Duo" you keep talking about, doesn't it." 

"Oh Jesus...don't tell me you don't know who he is. What are the teaching you kids these days, huh? No history whatsoever, right? 

[laughs] 

"It's the curse of the war. You lose your soul one bit at a time, but you're ok with that, since you're a soldier and you're doing it for peace, right? What they don't tell you is that you lose a little bit of your mind each time you fly. Every time you get into one of those damn suits, you turn into a machine a little more, and leave one more piece of yourself out with the stars. 

"You've never flown, have you...you can't understand, then. 

"It's all about that...the divine insanity of noble minds... 

"Always...every time, the stars are my divine insanity..." 

* * *

[Excerpt from Voice Logs, Squadron Green 4, Rim Patrol. 23:50:01-00:00:01 30 October - 31 October AC 204] 

**Green 4-3**: "Papa bear, Papa bear, be you there, boy?" 

**Green 4-1**: "Bear is on channel. Gren, you really are an idiot, aren't you." 

**Green 4-3**: "I love you too, big daddy. Are we there yet?" 

**Green 4-2**: "Gren, I swear to god, you're lucky Bear isn't really your Papa...he'd be chapping your ass with his hand right now." 

**Green 4-3**: "[laughter] I just have a simple question, and look what kind of abuse I get, man." 

**Green 4-1**: "That's because you deserve it, kid. [laughter] Anywhere else, you'd have to PAY someone to get this much abuse." 

**Green 4-2**: "God bless Rim Patrol, amen." 

**Green 4-3**: "Amen, my loves. [laughter] Seriously, though, Bear, are we done yet?" 

**Green 4-1**: "What, you bored? Need me to think up something for you to do?" 

**Green 4-3**: "Are you kidding? I just want to know when we're going to be able to land and hook up with some of those L2 Mama Bears you've been bragging about all week." 

**Green 4-2**: "He was talking about your mom, Gren! [laughs]" 

**Green 4-1**: "We've got a good two hours left, Gren...buckle down. We still have another three colonies to hit after we complete flyby on thi--[sound of klaxon] ON ALERT! HOLY SHIT!" 

**Green 4-3**: "Ten-four, I have a energy surge that just leapt off my panels and is running across the ceiling..." 

**Green 4-1**: "I'm having a radar malfunction, guys...someone back me up...Bear don't see shit. The colony has disappeared off my scopes..." 

**Green 4-3**: "I see nothing, Bear, there's so much interference on my scopes that Santa Claus could be flying right in front of me and I wouldn't see him." 

**Green 4-1**: "Scopes dead, switch to all visual, kids..." 

**Green 4-3**: "Acknowledged...oh my god..." 

**Green 4-2**: "CHRIST'S DICK AND BALLS, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?" 

[static] 

[end voice log] 

* * *

[Subject: Yuy, Heero  
Resident Doctor: Wegman, Nina, M. D.  
Time Stamp: 14:46:23 15 August AC 235] 

"And then the little girl said to me, 'Are you lost, brother?' 

[soft sob] 

"I've always been lost. 

[pause] 

"People are supposed to do things with their lives, aren't they? That's what...Duo...told me. So what happened to everything she was supposed to do? What happened to all of her potential? 

[pause] 

"What happened to all of mine?" 

Doctor Wegman: "You still have that potential, Heero." 

[pause] 

Doctor Wegman: "Heero?" 

"I can't remember what I did or said yesterday, or the day before. It's like watching random images projected on a movie screen." 

Doctor Wegman: "That's why you're here, Heero. We're trying to fix that." 

"What if I don't want you to? Maybe there's a reason for it. Maybe I don't want to remember everything that I've done." 

Doctor Wegman: "But you still seem to be aware of your past, at least for now." 

"I know. I'll forget again soon enough, I guess. 

[pause] 

"Why do I want to forget Duo? I don't." 

Doctor Wegman: "Is there something in particular that you want to forget?" 

"I...it's like this, I think...I want to forget that he's gone." 

* * *

**PE(g) = mgh**

potential energy = mass x acceleration due to gravity x height 

* * *

[Excerpt from private journals of Doctor Gareth Lyton, aka "Doctor G."] 

I have managed to pursue the physiological improvements further than even "J" has managed to take his subject...it's necessary, however unfortunate, if the boy is to be able to pilot Deathscythe. The ego-link system in my Gundam is a step more advanced than the purely theoretical "Zero-system" that the others have been on about this entire time. The dangers to the pilot are extreme, but I have confidence in the boy...and the risks are worth it, I think. Worth a chance at peace, at least. The ego-link will allow the pilot greater control than ever imagined over the Gundam...if I can improve his physiology enough, it is. 

Ah, what monster have I become? I can hear him screaming...god, if I could take on the pain myself... 

I suppose my one fear, and a valid fear at that, is what will happen when we're done, and he truly is the perfect pilot for Deathscythe. I find myself wondering more and more often if he will even be what is considered to be human any more. 

Me, a something unnatural in human flesh, him a human in unnatural flesh. Please, just let the war end. I've lost too much now. 

I will never deserve his forgiveness, should he ever give it to me. 

* * *

[Subject: Schbeiker, Hilde J  
Resident Doctor: Taos, Loren D, M. D.  
Time Stamp: 15:03:57 16 August AC 235] 

"I wake up sometimes at night, and I'm sweating and shaking and I feel like I've been screaming. 

[pause] 

"I know I haven't been screaming, though. I'm quiet enough that if I screamed, I'd have orderlies charging into my room. Can't have me disturb the other inmates, right? [laughs]" 

Doctor Taos: "Why do you wake up like that? Do you have nightmares?" 

"If I do, they're not ones I can remember. Sorry, I'm not going to be a good little patient and give you phallic images and looming figures that you can change into my father. 

[pause] 

"[laughs] I like that look on your face. I'm guessing that I'm more passively belligerent than my profile said, huh?" 

Doctor Taos: "To be honest, yes. You're an intelligent woman." 

"No one likes being analyzed or scrutinized, not if they're the least little bit sane. 

[pause] 

"I think I wake up like that, sometimes, because I can remember night after night after night, how Duo would wake up like that. Make any sense? Probably not. It's a disturbing thing though, when you're sound asleep next to your best fuck-buddy, and they suddenly sit bolt-upright and start screaming their head off. [laughs] I've shocked you again, haven't I. What, don't people in the outside world have sex any more?" 

Doctor Taos: "Tell me about Duo. You keep mentioning him in passing, but you don't ever get any deeper. He seemed like a large part of your life." 

"You have no idea... 

[pause] 

"Ever have a best friend that you'd do anything for? Anything at all? That was Duo. He was my world, my brother, my family, my lover, my best friend, everything. 

[pause] 

"The first time he came to visit me on L2 was right after the war, when we were still cleaning everything up. I was directing a crane that was snagging some chips...scrap, I mean...and he was suddenly just there. Looked like shit, too. I took him home, fed him, got him some clean clothes, and one thing led to another, and he ended up screwing my brains out that night, and every night after until he left. 

"I think...he needed the closeness. He was running scared, a little, terrified of something, not that he'd ever admit that. He needed something to hold on to, and a warm body, and a friend that cared about him and was willing to hold him and remind him he wasn't alone, and that everything was ok. 

[pause] 

"I don't think he ever believed me when I said that, though. 

[soft sigh] 

"He was with me for three weeks, that time. Just long enough for us to get settled down into a comfortable routine. I had some shingles falling off my roof, and he climbed up there and fixed them the day before he left. " 

Doctor Taos: "Did you love him?" 

"What, do you mean like romantic love? 

[pause] 

"When I first met him, I thought I did. Then, when he came to me that time, I knew I didn't, not really. There was something about him...I don't know. It was disconcerting. But he gave me a home, just as much as I gave him a home, I guess you could say. Everyone was searching for somewhere they could rebuild their lives after the fighting ended. 

"Maybe that's why it hurt so much..." 

Doctor Taos: "What hurt so much?" 

"He loved us both, you know, me and Heero. As much as he could. Like an older, wiser brother loves his siblings...but more." 

Doctor Taos: "What hurt so much, Hilde?" 

"I'm not going to talk about it." 

Doctor Taos: "Why don't you want to talk about it. Are you afraid?" 

[sound of chair scraping across floor, then something large hitting a wall] 

"GODDAMNIT, YOU NOSY BITCH, I'M NOT GOING TO FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT!" 

Doctor Taos: "Orderlies!" 

* * *

[Excerpt from seized papers of Doctor Gareth Lyton, aka "Doctor G."] 

On day 57, the conditioning is proceeding more than satisfactorily. The subject is handling the new neuro-transmitter supplements better than expected...the increased synapse between neurons is quite amazing, causing an increase in pure intelligence and reasoning ability...as an interesting side effect, the pain tolerance has increased and the adrenaline throughput as well...seeing the new structuring of the brain that has resulted from the artificial pathways I have fostered, there is potential of some interesting side-effects to go with the ability to ego-link and increased intelligence... 

* * *

[Excerpt from The Sanc Kingdom Post, 6 November AC 204] 

**H04251, L1** --  
One week after the still unexplained disappearance of the L2 colony chain, debris have begun to fall into the Earth's atmosphere, causing property damage and injuries. 

A new mystery has now been added to the inexplicable explosion; Dr. Morgen Ryth explains, "While there are debris from the colonies scattered through space, there's a distressing amount of mass that's simply missing. My calculations show that billions of tons of metal from the colonies are unaccounted for--there's just no explanation. While it's a blessing, considering how much damage that amount of debris would cause, it's still worrying. One of the most sacred natural laws is that of conservation of mass-it all had to go somewhere...the energy that would have been yielded from that is, in a word, frightening..." 

* * *

[Subject: Yuy, Heero  
Resident Doctor: Wegman, Nina, M. D.  
Time Stamp: 15:31:18 18 August AC 235] 

"It's about pain, you see, don't you--how much pain can you take? How much pain can you feel? Will too much make you go numb or lose consciousness? 

"Pain's got a smell. It's like blood and death and shit and battery acid all mixed together...you get it on you and you can't wash it off. You can taste it. It doesn't go away for a long, long time. You can taste other people's pain, and it's almost as bad as tasting your own, right? 

"So they put you in a machine...you feel the machine. You are the machine. Every inch of metal on it is a cell in your body. Sometimes, the pain is so real that your cells die, because you're so confused, and you actually think that it's you getting hit, not the machine. 

"That's how it worked. For him. For me, when I was on Zero. You are your machine. So I was Wing. Duo was Deathscythe. And we blew them up. [laughs] Can you believe that? We didn't know what it would do. 

"They condition hard for it. All of us. Every one. They do it a little in the academies, but not really. It's like getting a paper cut instead of getting shot. But that's because a mobile suit isn't like a Gundam. A Gundam is a person. They tortured us so we'd be ready for it. Injected us and poisoned us and stuck us with electrodes all over...I hate needles. Oh god, I hate needles... 

"It was like this--just pain. You can't imagine it. You haven't felt it. Take the worst thing that's ever happened to you and multiply it a thousand times, and then have it never and, and have it be dark, and you can begin to see. It was always dark, you see. Sensory deprivation is a sort of preparation too. All you can smell is your own blood, and ozone from the electrodes. Always bothered me the most. So it's dark, and dark, and dark, and dark...there's no time, nothing. You can't tell time, because seconds are hours, and your day never ends since it never started. 

"And all you're starving for is a little light. Just a hint. Because you know, you see, you know that if you could just see something, the pain wouldn't be as bad. You could make sure your dick is still attached and everything, since you're pretty sure that it's fallen off a couple of years back, just gave up and let go because it hurts too much. 

"And then, one day, you wake up, and you realize that this is your entire state of being. Everything--the pain and the dark and the isolation...they've forced you to become something else...and you're not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but either way, going back isn't a choice. That's the day they turn the light back on. 

[pause] 

"I have to talk like this. I have to talk fast. I have to get it all out before I forget, don't you see? Duo talked like this all the time. It works. It feels good. 

[pause] 

"Duo always slept with the light on. 

[pause] 

"I do too." 

* * *

[Excerpt from The Sanc Kingdom Post, 1 November AC 198] 

_Doctor Gareth Lyton _

L3 Research Scientist 

Doctor Gareth Lyton, originally of L2 colony R7029, was murdered October 30. He was 43. 

Memorial services will be held privately, followed by cremation of the remains. 

He was born February 23, AC 155, on L2 colony R7029. On August 12, AC 178, he married Anja Schneider, who was died during the AC 181 rebellion. 

He has no surviving relatives. 

Contributions may be made to the L2 Soldier's Memorial Fund. 

* * *

[Excerpt from The Sanc Kingdom Post, 21 November AC 198] 

**CONVICTION MADE IN MUDER OF L3 RESEARCH SCIENTIST **

K6376, L3--  
Today, Duo Maxwell, chief suspect in the murder of Mars research scientist Gareth Lyton, was sent to the Mars Court District Mental Institution, a maximum security asylum maintained by the government for the rehabilitation of the criminally insane. 

The case has been open since the 30th of October, when Lyton was found in his laboratory, the victim of twenty-six stab wounds to the abdomen and head. He was declared dead upon arrival of the police. 

Former Gundam pilot Duo Maxwell was taken into custody by police less than one week later. Maxwell refused to accept a state appointed attorney, instead defending himself when the case was brought to trial on November 15th. 

Maxwell's vocal claims that he was innocent and had been framed, as well as the evidence that he brought with him was dismissed by Judge Paul Barton. 

Said District Attorney Jean Kynes, to reporters after the sentencing, "The Gundam pilots have had a history of mental instability, which is most evident in those that were test pilots for the prototypes. Mr. Maxwell is a very sick man, and now he'll be getting the help that he needs. It's a tragedy that this help had to come at the cost of a life." 

* * *

[Subject: Schbeiker, Hilde J  
Resident Doctor: Taos, Loren D, M. D.  
Time Stamp: 15:36:25 21 August AC 235] 

"When Duo and I had sex, he always felt cold, like his body temperature had dropped. He needed to warm himself up in me, I guess. I've never been so close to anyone before...to be connected like that. 

"He was so afraid...always so afraid...I held him when he cried, even though he wouldn't tell me why. And then...some time in there...he'd suddenly be working his hand down between my legs, and then I'd be on my back and...well...you know how it goes. 

"He wasn't using me in any kind of sense, I don't think. It was...incredible. Always. I've never felt so much with anyone else. It was beyond physical pleasure...it was like being able to see everything, hear everything, BE anything at all...you feel larger than the universe. 

[pause] 

"I miss it. I ache for it. I feel so small and insignificant...you have no idea...it's like I am nothing, just an ant, running back and forth with no fucking clue as to what's going on. 

"And I can't help but wonder, maybe he felt like this all the time. 

"And it scares me, because I'd give anything to feel him like that...to feel like that... 

"And that scares me too. 

[pause, soft sound, like a sob] 

"If that's what it means to touch God, I don't think he notices or cares." 

* * *

[Letter from Quatre Raberba Winner to Triton Bloom, 12 August AC 204] 

We did it. After two years of fighting, we finally got him out of there. I can only pray that we weren't too late. 

I was waiting for him in the lobby when the orderlies brought him out, still wearing a hospital gown. His legs were like sticks. He didn't say a word, just followed me outside and let me drape my coat over him...oh, Tri, I was afraid that he might break under its weight, he looked so fragile... 

When we stepped out of the doors, he looked up at the sun for the longest time, and there were tears running from his eyes, but at the same time, he was smiling, like he always smiled for us all. I told him about our discovery that he was framed, that Doctor Lyton's real murderer had been caught...he didn't say anything until I had run dry of words and we were standing in silence. 

Then he said...I will never forget his voice, Tri. He sounded like he had just seen something so wondrous that it couldn't be put into mere words... 

He said, "I've missed you." 

That was thirty-six hours ago. He hasn't spoken a word since. 

Right now, I'm sitting in the waiting room of a doctor's office--they're examining him right now to determine if he's well enough to travel. If he is, I'll be bringing him home with me tomorrow. He needs time to rest. Please let Heero and Hilde know, as I haven't had a chance to yet.... 

* * *

[Subject: Yuy, Heero  
Resident Doctor: Wegman, Nina, M. D.  
Time Stamp: 15:00:59 25 August AC 235] 

"Did you know Duo was in a mental hospital like this for a while? 

"It took us almost two years to get him out of there, even with all of us and Relena trying. He got framed, you see. He never would have murdered Doctor G. He loved Doctor G, in his own way. The Bartons put him in there and left him to rot. 

"He was never the same, after he got out. He wouldn't tell us what happened. I saw him when they brought him out. He was a skeleton. It wasn't even Halloween and he was dressed up like a skeleton. [nervous laugh] And he had this look...like...all the old light was still there, even though he didn't talk any more. He was still Duo, even though he wasn't, because he didn't act like it. He acted like he'd seen something in there. 

"I don't know what it was. 

"But he always looked like that after a fight." 

* * *

[Words found carved above the window of the L3 Court District Mental Institution] 

LIFE IS NOT A STATE OF BEING, BUT A STATE OF BECOMING. 

* * *

[Subject: Schbeiker, Hilde J  
Resident Doctor: Taos, Loren D, M. D.  
Time Stamp: 14:39:03 1 October AC 235] 

Doctor Taos: "I want you to try to talk about something today, Hilde, something you haven't wanted to talk about." 

"...that last day..." 

Doctor Taos: "That's correct. I found out that you were one of the two survivors of L2. You were there that day, and something happened, and that is why you were brought here. What was it?" 

"I saw him again." 

* * *

[Subject: Yuy, Heero  
Resident Doctor: Wegman, Nina, M. D.  
Time Stamp: 14:39:03 1 October AC 235] 

"I went to L2 that day. I knew he would be there." 

Doctor Wegman: "How did you know?" 

"I just did" 

* * *

[Subject: Schbeiker, Hilde J  
Resident Doctor: Taos, Loren D, M. D.  
Time Stamp: 14:39:03 1 October AC 235] 

"He was waiting for me at the old park where we used to take out walks. Heero was waiting for me at the gate. I don't know how or why...but he was there. We walked down the asphalt path together, heading towards Duo. He was sitting on a park bench, watching two kids play soccer. 

"The trees looked like they were on fire... 

"...and he was smiling. I hadn't seen him in such a long time, and he was smiling and happy, like he hadn't been since I can't remember when." 

* * *

[Subject: Yuy, Heero  
Resident Doctor: Wegman, Nina, M. D.  
Time Stamp: 14:39:03 1 October AC 235] 

"...he said he understood now. He said he didn't have to feel afraid any more. He said he knew where he needed to go. 

"He said that he'd missed us." 

* * *

[Subject: Schbeiker, Hilde J  
Resident Doctor: Taos, Loren D, M. D.  
Time Stamp: 14:39:03 1 October AC 235] 

Doctor Taos: "What happened then?" 

"Light." 

* * *

[Subject: Yuy, Heero  
Resident Doctor: Wegman, Nina, M. D.  
Time Stamp: 14:39:03 1 October AC 235] 

"Light everywhere." 

Doctor Wegman: "What kind of light?" 

* * *

[Subject: Schbeiker, Hilde J  
Resident Doctor: Taos, Loren D, M. D.  
Time Stamp: 14:39:03 1 October AC 235] 

"White...beautiful...warm." 

Doctor Taos: "Where did it come from?" 

* * *

[Subject: Yuy, Heero  
Resident Doctor: Wegman, Nina, M. D.  
Time Stamp: 14:39:03 1 October AC 235] 

"Duo. Duo was the light. It was...beautiful...like butterflies flying from his fingertips, every time he moved." 

* * *

[Subject: Schbeiker, Hilde J  
Resident Doctor: Taos, Loren D, M. D.  
Time Stamp: 14:39:03 1 October AC 235] 

"We were fading in it, washing out. I started to forget everything...it was so beautiful." 

Doctor Taos: "Were you afraid?" 

"I don't know why...but..." 

* * *

[Subject: Yuy, Heero  
Resident Doctor: Wegman, Nina, M. D.  
Time Stamp: 14:39:03 1 October AC 235] 

"No. I wasn't. I felt...safe." 

Doctor Wegman: "And then what happened?" 

"I couldn't see Duo any more...it was too bright. I didn't care...I could feel myself slipping away...it was like sinking into a warm pool--and I knew if I could let go for just a minute longer, I'd reach the bottom, and I would be able to rest there. 

"...then Duo said he was sorry." 

* * *

[Subject: Schbeiker, Hilde J  
Resident Doctor: Taos, Loren D, M. D.  
Time Stamp: 14:39:03 1 October AC 235] 

"Then it was gone...we were outside the colony, in an escape pod, me and Heero. I don't know how we got there. The controls were dead...we were out of reach of the colony. I...we...we couldn't move. I wanted to get up and open the airlock, because I needed to get back there. I couldn't even stand up. I could only watch." 

* * *

[Subject: Yuy, Heero  
Resident Doctor: Wegman, Nina, M. D.  
Time Stamp: 14:39:03 1 October AC 235] 

"We sat there and watched the colonies vanish into the light...Duo's light. It covered everything, and just grew larger and large...it pulled a defense satellite out of orbit, then another. Every time, it got bigger, and it almost reached where Hilde and I were...and I was so happy. 

"The light started to fade away..." 

* * *

[Subject: Schbeiker, Hilde J  
Resident Doctor: Taos, Loren D, M. D.  
Time Stamp: 14:39:03 1 October AC 235] 

"I was afraid then. I knew Duo was leaving. I don't know where to...but...I only knew that he was leaving us behind." 

* * *

[Subject: Yuy, Heero  
Resident Doctor: Wegman, Nina, M. D.  
Time Stamp: 14:39:03 1 October AC 235] 

"Hilde was crying. 

[pause] 

"But..." 

* * *

[Subject: Schbeiker, Hilde J  
Resident Doctor: Taos, Loren D, M. D.  
Time Stamp: 14:39:03 1 October AC 235] 

"I could hear him. Heero could too. He was speaking to us..." 

* * *

[Subject: Yuy, Heero  
Resident Doctor: Wegman, Nina, M. D.  
Time Stamp: 14:39:03 1 October AC 235] 

"He was telling us not to be afraid, that he'd come back to us, and that this time, we could go with him." 

Doctor Wegmen: "Did you believe him?" 

* * *

"I want to believe." 

* * *

_Owari_


End file.
